Twins!!

Yes, as some of you knew and all of you guessed, I am pregnant with twins! Due date is May 4th, but I am guessing they will be here about mid-April. I should find out the sex in mid December.

So, how did we find out about having twins? How do we feel about it? Well, Baby A and Baby B, here is the story of how we first learned about you!

Over a year ago, Ellis and I decided we were ready for Will to have a little sibling. (Ahem, ONE sibling.) But, getting pregnant the second time was much harder for me - I think my body would just assume drop an egg randomly twice a year - so I had gotten to the point of being extremely frustrated. The doctor put me on clomid about 6 months ago. I was on the lowest dosage possible so, although I knew it increased my chances of having multiples, I felt fairly confident that it wouldn't happen. (HA!) I mean, I never win anything and this was like a 7-10% chance.

And just to set the stage here - I was very nervous about going on clomid because of the increased chance of multiples. I called my brother the doctor, I talked to friends, Ellis and I discussed - because I did not want more than one baby at a time! But I also knew I might not have another without it, so we decided to do it.


Ellis was still being patient, but after a year of trying, I was seriously considering a fertility clinic. Then, on the day we got back from the beach with my parents, brother and sister-in-law, I had a feeling that maybe this time I finally was. I gleefully peed on a stick for the last %$^# time and got a positive test.

We had dinner at my parents that night before Steve and Mary went back to Texas, so we told all of them that night. We told Ellis's family a few weeks later when we went and visited them. I was just so happy. I figured the birthday was about May, so Will and the baby would be almost exactly the same distance apart as my brother and me. (Will turns 3 12/27 with baby coming early May; Steve turned 3 on 1/10 with me coming on 5/22.)

I felt fine the first 8 weeks, but ate a lot. I also noticed that I was getting bigger fast, but figured that just had to do with this being my second pregnancy. And yet, something was off in my mind, although I couldn't put my finger on it. I had a VIVID dream about having triplets (I can still remember it now). Then, the night before my 8-week ultrasound, I was not really excited like I was with Will - I was just really really antsy and nervous. I had a hard time sleeping that night. I was just worried that SOMEthing was wrong, and I was anxious to see the baby and make sure everything was okay. (Did my subconscious know something was up or what!?)

So, two weeks ago on a Thursday morning, Ellis and I head to the OB/GYN for the ultrasound. The ultrasound tech starts it out and we see ONE great, healthy little baby in its nice, big amniotic sac, and I felt my eyes get teary. Whew! All was okay! And I did ask her - "There is just one, right!?" And she said there was, and we breathed a sigh of relief.

She went on with the ultrasound, checking everything out, and then came back to looking at the little baby. . . . And then she starts measuring and clicking on the screen on what looked like a blob below the baby's sac. And the ultrasound tech starts saying, "Hmm. Now you see here ... see this dark spot below the sac ... yes, I think....." And I just knew. I just knew by the way she wasn't ready to say it until she was absolutely sure. And then she said "Yes, there is another baby." And then Ellis and I went into shock.

No, like literally. Oh to have had a camera videotaping that moment. I think my heart started to race and I might have stopped breathing, Ellis slumped back in his chair with his jaw to the floor, I think I just kept saying "Oh my God". And then we were just dead quiet. I finally asked her how people usually react to finding out they are having multiples, and she said pretty much like we were. Then, I asked if they were identical (PLEASE don't let them be identical) but she confirmed they are fraternal. Two different babies with their own different amniotic sacs ("houses").

And then came the really hard news. Baby B was in trouble. His house was really really small. Both babies were the same size, but Baby A's house was nice and roomy and Baby B barely fit in his. The tech left to get the doctor and I just started to cry. Then the OB comes in and starts talking to us about the possibility that Baby B might not survive, and Ellis (I thank God he was there) thinks of all these great questions to ask so that we are aware of all the possibilities, percentages, etc. Because I am still sitting there half-stunned.

In the space of 20 minutes, are life is turned upside down. We are told we are having twins, but one might not survive, and if it does not survive, there is a remote possibility that both won't survive, etc etc etc. We would come back in a week for another ultrasound to see how things were. We then went to the waiting room to wait to speak with the head OB nurse (to talk about appointments, basic maternity care, etc), and Ellis and I literally just sat there, staring at the floor. Every once in a while, we would look at each other and just nervously laugh. Or we would whisper to each other: "We have to move, don't we?" "We have to get all new cars - 3 car seats will not fit in any of them" "What will do about day care - 3 in day care?". I just wanted to get out of there and scream.

In the parking lot, I cried. Ellis was my rock, as usual. Reminding me that we can handle this, that although it will be really hard at first, "it could also be a whole lot of fun." But I cried a lot that day. I have never gone through so many emotions in one day. As most of you know, I am a BIG planner. Everything is organized. I planned on two kids - our whole life plan was built around 2 kids. Now we would have 3, 2 at the same time?! And just when we started to accept it and get excited, we would have to rein ourselves in because we might not have them both.

My mom was volunteering at the library that day, so on my way to work ( yes, I went to work that day), I stopped by to see her. And we both cried. She was so happy - and so was my Dad when I talked to him later. Ellis' mom and sister were so excited when he told them, and bit by bit, I was getting excited myself.

Once that longest day of my life was over, I started to get more and more excited about the possibilities of having twins. And yet, we did not know if everything would be okay. But over the next week, I continued to feel just fine - no bleeding, no cramping - I just had this feeling that everything was going to be okay.

So, at 9 weeks, we went for a second ultrasound. Both ultrasound techs were in the room this time and you could seriously cut the tension with a knife. We were all so anxious . . . and then . . . there they were - Baby A AND Baby B. They both had big houses and they were both about exactly the same size with the same heartbeats. It was absolutely amazing the difference one week made. They went from being little blobs to having little arms and legs, and big ol' heads. And as the techs kept telling us congratulations, I looked over at Ellis and we smiled and I said "we are having twins!"

And there you have it. How one of the LEAST likely people to want twins, went to being totally excited and thrilled about it. It is so much fun to tell people you are having twins too. They are all happy for you that you are pregnant, and then you say "and there are two babies" and you watch them jump up in down in excitement, laugh, and/or their jaw drops to the ground. And I think telling everyone has really helped me get excited about the possibilities of having twins. I am in a whole different place now about all this.

I actually really wanted to wait until I was at least 11 weeks to tell everyone, but my tummy went from not showing to totally showing in the space of a few days. I could not hide it at work anymore. Apparently, there was a rumor going around the office that I was pregnant before I told, so clearly it was time. I am probably as big now (at 10 1/2 weeks) as I was when I was about 15 or 16 weeks with Will. Y'all - I'm going to be huge!

And here - I'm even brave enough to show a belly shot of me at 10 weeks:



The funny thing is that before Ellis and I started having children, I knew two things most certainly. 1) I did not want a child born around Christmas because I just could not imagine the whole birthday next to Christmas thing; and 2) I did not want twins. I cringed at the idea of having twins and thought that there was absolutely no WAY I could handle twins.

Ha! I seriously think God felt I needed a lesson here. A higher power is definitely telling me to stop trying to control everything, take a deep breath, and try to go with the flow. And you know what? I'm learning.

Now, Baby A and Baby B, if you read this one day years from now, don't you think for even one tiny little second that your Daddy and I did not want you - we just were not expecting you. And now we are, and we are thrilled and excited. Nervous about what awaits us, but excited of the possibilities. I think about how close you both will probably be, what a great brother you are going to have, and the fact that we will have a big family of 5. We love you both already, and now pray everyday that you will both grow strong and healthy over the next 7 months or so. Although it will take some time, and I know now that I will likely get nothing done for the first 2 or 3 years of your life, we will be ready for both of you come April.