Anxiety

Last night I went to my first Twins Club meeting. Its a local chapter of a national organization made up of women who are mothers of twins (or expecting twins). The club meets each month, with playgroups and other functions, an online message board for questions and advice, a newsletter, etc. I'm hopeful it will prove to be a very useful resource to me in the months to come. Even though I did not know anyone when I went last night, everyone was very warm and inviting, and I got to talk to a lot of people about being a mother of twins. I hope to make it to the new/expecting mothers of twins meeting later this month.

Although none of the women I met said anything that should make me nervous about being a mom of twins (if anything, it should have made me calmer), I am filled with anxiety this morning. I think last night just made it very real. I have a big knot in my stomach that formed sometime around 3AM last night and has not gone away yet. Its worrying about things beyond my control or things that I cannot know the answer to right now. I know I need to let go and remind myself the importance of going with the flow ... but I'm tired, nervous and a little stressed, which doesn't do well for me.

Some of the questions floating around in my head this morning?

What if the twins are born in March and have to be in the NICU?
What if there is something wrong with them?
What exactly am I going to do with Will when they are born? Should he go to day care and Bapa and Grandma stay with him at our house at night? Should I stay alone in the hospital while Ellis goes home to be with Will at night?
How am I going to get Will potty trained by June so that he can move up with his class to the 3 year old classroom? Am I doing something wrong in trying to encourage him to go but trying now to make a big deal about it? Are his teachers at day care pushing it too hard and that's why he often refuses to try the potty? Can I handle him and the twins at home everyday in June if he is not potty trained in time?
Should I get a nanny for the twins when I go back to work? How do I go about figuring that out? How will Ellis and I get to work in the morning when we can barely do it on time with Will (and he doesn't have 30,000 bottles, diapers, etc to worry about)?
How the heck am I going to juggle work and being a mom to twins and a 3 year old? How can I leave them when they are just 12 weeks old and might still be in newborn clothes?

Oh yea - and I should be working right now. Sigh ... you get the idea.

On a happy note though - I am still feeling good in the pregnancy. Some things are starting to get more uncomfortable, but I am very grateful that I am still doing so well. And the nursery is almost done, car seats purchased, and a couple outfits folded in a drawer for them. So, I'm just about ready for them. I need to focus on that.

We do have wonderful support from our family. I have a husband who will definitely be there for me (for us) , parents that are ready, willing, and able to help us with Will and the twins, a mother-in-law already prepared to come stay with us after the twins are born to help out. ... Many moms are not so lucky. So JUST BREATHE, Emily!