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Yesterday, we came home about 7:00pm after spending our last day in the same building with the girls. It was an emotionally draining day. I was ready to get home and be with Will, but really torn from the idea that I would be leaving my daughters behind. The day itself was a roller coaster ride in the NICU - we would get some good news and then other news that would worry us.

I did better understand the major conditions of the girls. Carter was born with RDS (respiratory distress syndrome). The anatomy of her lungs are fully developed, but she has premature lungs because her body lacked the chemical necessary to inflate her lungs. I've since learned that they intubated her in the OR to get some of the chemical quickly into her lungs to get her breathing and did so again up in the NICU to give her another dose. Catie, on the other hand, has really just been contending with her size, calorie intake, and ability to maintain a normal temperature. Carter is still an intensive care needs baby, but Catie is more of a "special needs" baby in the NICU. I find all of this ironic because throughout my pregnancy, we were worried about Catie. It was Catie who almost did not survive in the beginning, and Catie whose weight was always a little small, and Catie who was the main reason we pushed my c-section to 35 weeks. And yet, its Carter who ended up having all the major issues. Its useless to question whether we took them out to early - whats done is done - but the thought has crossed my mind many times.

Anyway, I was so exhausted by 6:00 yesterday that I just wanted to get home ... until I was wheeled out in a wheelchair to the lobby of the hospital waiting for Ellis to pull up with the car. The memory of doing the same thing for Will was vivid and knowing that I was leaving without 2 little girls in the infant carriers in the backseat this time was heartbreaking. But I know that they will come home one day soon, and we just need to be patient.

Today, I am thrilled to report, was a really good visit day. Ellis and I are beyond exhausted tonight, but feel good about the reports we got on the girls today and the time we were able to spend with them. Mom took me to the NICU this morning while Ellis stayed at home to spend time with Will. Then, I came home for lunch and a little rest and then we turned back around to visit them all afternoon with Nanny and Aunt Kathy while Bapa took Will to Monkey Joe's.

They took Carter's CPAP down a notch in pressure and turned her oxygen all the way down to 21% (the same amount that we breathe normally). This is a really big accomplishment for her and the first really "marked" improvement that we could see. The nurse practitioner working through Monday thought that the CPAP could come off either tomorrow or Monday!!

This morning, the nurse changed the way the CPAP was laying on Carter's face, and I finally FINALLY got to see her whole face without her screaming her head off. It was the first time I got to see Carter's peaceful face ever. What a moment. Mom and I both agreed - it appears that she is a mini-me. :-) I don't think she looks like Will and Catie (who are spitting images of each other right now) but looks just like me. I'm curious to see if Ellis will agree when he sees her and after I get a chance to look at her for a longer period of time.

Both girls' feedings were increased as well from 5 mL to 10 mL every 3 hours. They are both keeping the breastmilk down well. Their bilirubin levels are fairly stable at the moment, not decreasing but at least they are not rising.

I continue to get more used to the NICU and am not afraid to reach into the isolettes when the nurses are working to help calm Carter or Catie down, change a diaper, or try to make them more comfortable. It helps me feel more involved as their mother - like I am doing something when I am there other than sitting in a chair and staring at them and asking a billion questions.

At the end of the day today, the nurse took off Catie's bilirubin eye protective gear and turned off the light so that Ellis and I could touch and play with her for a good 45 minutes. She was awake and alert and just wonderfully adorable. We had so much fun reaching into her isolette and touching her, letting her grasp our fingers, and talking to her. She is such a sweetie.

I continue to look forward to the day that my girls do not need the protection of the isolettes and I can pick them up whenever I want to to comfort them when they cry or play with them when they are awake and alert. But, like I said, its just a waiting game when you have a child in the NICU and you just have to be patient.

No new pictures - which is really bad considering the great day we had. We'll be sure to bring the camera tomorrow when we visit.